I dunno why but...man, this whole year, starting from the very beginning of 2007, I've been severely lacking in motivation. Not only do I not ever feel like doing anything anymore...I feel like there is no point, and no purpose. I feel like everything is useless and going to school is getting harder and harder because when I wake up in the morning I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Sometimes I feel like laying in bed all day, but when I DO lay in bed, I feel even worse because I feel like I'm wasting my life away. I don't know WHAT I want to do with my life. It's so boring and nothing is new or exciting and even when I'm with my friends I still feel this weight is at the back of my mind and I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel shitty and sometimes even scared. I feel even worse knowing I'm taking a lot for granted. I don't mean to, not at all. I'm lucky, because I've got family and friends and a home and everything. I'm just so afraid of losing it all. I don't want to end up all alone with nowhere to go. I don't have any useful hobbies. How am I going to do anything with my future? I don't need to know any of that stuff to have a career. I just don't want to end up doing some shitty job. I probably won't even last because I'll have that whole "nothing to look forward to" feeling again and I won't show up at work and I'll get fired.
Yesterday Penis came over and we went to the library. I sat in a really comfortable chair and tried to snooze a little. It felt really nice. Then we learned how to do the soulja boy and drew in Vova's porno magazine.